Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
