WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
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Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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