her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize