I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
