Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
