Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
