nut hugger
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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