When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You can't just leave with hair like that
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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