So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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