I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
