That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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