apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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