It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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