38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
