It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
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He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
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You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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