idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
