After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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