I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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