Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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