i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
