I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
