Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
