You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
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Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
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apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.