I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
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Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.