Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.