So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
