No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
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I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
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Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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