Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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