I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
