I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
