Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
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I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
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I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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