Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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