Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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