How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize