I think I am morally bankrupt
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
