That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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