"it" just moved
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
