someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
false alarm. still invincible.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
