Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.