if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
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you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today