you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina