You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?