Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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