I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
