dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
