dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
