I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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