idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
