i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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