I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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