So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
