Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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