so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
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he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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