yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
