woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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